I should not have said that, I should not have said that!!

I blame my heart - the fuel of my emotions that uses the veins in my body to pump those wild feelings around. 

*

Have you ever said something to someone that you probably shouldn't have? 

And has that person been a tall, dark and handsome man you've had your eye on at Uni, work, the cafe? And by some miracle he actually started talking to you and you (sort of) know each other now? 

You have on and off conversations and when the ball is dropped, and you're no longer talking to the tall, dark and handsome (not so much) stranger; you begin to think how you can pick up this ball and throw it in his direction; he'll catch it, and hooray - you have yourself a date. 

Then you've got it!

Something that will make you look like a hilarious goddess that no man can refuse. Something that says 'hey, I'm a great person' while at the same time looks seductively at you with those 'come hither' smoulder eyes. 

You're thinking

Source: imgur.com 

So, in that moment of egotistical euphoria you say/send the thing that was oh-so-hilarious. 

And then your heart freezes and your blood runs cold and you immediately think....

Source: Kellyelizabeth.org

Something that sounded oh-so-funny and witty at the time is now the dumbest, lamest thing you could have ever said and the tall, dark, handsome (not so) stranger will run for the hills. 

This is when you start freaking out; your heart starts pumping those emotions like crazy and you go wild and you want to scream (but you can't!) so you log off your computer, run away from your desk and start hyperventilating in the corner of your bedroom. 

At least that is what I did - just then. 

I may (or may not - ok well obviously I did) have sent a message to a guy I've been crushing on for weeks. 

As soon as I sent the message - what should have been a hilarious surprise for his Facebook inbox -  I covered my eyes with my hands, started crying, logged onto Blogger and started typing this. 

I'm too scared to log onto Facebook again. 

What if he didn't reply?

What if he did??!! 

I'm a wuss - you know this already. You must. 

* 

I logged onto Facebook - and he seems to think that I'm actually hilarious. He got the gist of the joke and in his reply kept it going - whoo! 

So I replied again....with an even more hilarious come back.....wait; no!!! 

Here it goes again.....oops. 

When everyone moves forward and you're just standing there.

Today I found out some delightful news - my friend has won the internship in Sydney that she has been crossing her fingers all weekend to get. She'll be in Sydney for a month and she's over the moon. 

I have another friend who's going great guns at uni and will soon be travelling, exploring the world. 

One of my only single friends got a boyfriend a couple of weeks ago. 

And another close friend is off to join the RAAF in a couple of months. 

I'm so happy for them all - really. 

But as I sit here and reflect on my life: 

- I haven't travelled anywhere 

*inhale* 

- I have no boyfriend 

*exhale* 

- Uni is much the same. So is work 

*inhale* 

- I have no idea what I'll be doing after Uni 

*hyperventilating* 

Have you ever felt like that? When everyone's life is moving forward and you're...stuck. I thought I had a lot of good things going for me - that my life was getting back on track and soon things will be amazing and so will I. 
But it's not happening at the same time as everyone else. 

I'm freaking out and upset that I will end up being the pathetic friend who nothing happens to. 

#pityparty. 

A wanna be a festival chick

Here's my confession; I'm 20 and I've never been to a music festival. 
I know; it's pathetic. 
I should have been to many local festivals by now and at least gone to one interstate festival. But to my dismay I have not. 
Apart from the times when I never left the house, did or went anywhere (thanks depression years) I don't exactly have friends who charge at the idea of festivals. 
I'm not sure if I do either. 
Anything over 30 degrees Celsius for me is balmy and I start to melt. 
I'm a short woman and being pit deep next to shirtless men isn't exactly my ideal day either. 
I also cannot stand crowds and I know if I get caught in a mosh pit I will hyperventilate. 
So why do I want to go? 
I feel as though it's a rite of passage for young people these days. Whether I like it or hate it, going to as least one festival, to only say that I've been to one I feel is important. 
I know it might be strange but I feel like I'm missing out. By not having been to a festival before, I feel as though I'm not partaking in something that young people do and love. 
So my plan is to go to a festival this year - in April. 
It's a national tour that comes to my town, and I would love to go. I can afford it and while Uni will still be on at that point, I think it's something my friends and I can juggle - it's only one day after all. 

I just need to convince my friends to go now. :/ 

Writing Motivation

Once Uni is done for the semester I'll write more. Every day. 

This is what I tell myself when Uni is busy, I'm busy and I feel like I haven't got time to write. Then when Uni does finish up I find myself doing everything but writing. 
I've gotten myself into a rut and I need to get out of it. 

So I made a new years resolution. 

I am to write 1,000 words everyday. It can contribute to any story I'm writing but it has to go towards stories I want to see published one day and one day soon. It doesn't have to be good, it just needs to be on the page. I find myself coming up with all these stories in my head, working them all out there and by the time I try and put pen to paper I've burnt out and the story no longer interests me. 

I know 1,000 words is not a lot. But that's ok. I don't want myself to be overwhelmed by the idea and this gives me room to work and do Uni and everything else. I'm not also constricted to 1,000 if I'm on a roll, have found motivation or simply (though this seems unlikely at the moment) just want to write for....fun? 

And there's my problem. I've put pressure on myself to write. I look at myself as a writer. I feel as though I should have books out by the time I graduate. That the degree I've chosen to do means nothing if I'm not writing, reading, or at least working towards my goal - a published book. 

That's another thing - I'm not reading either. It's another thing I must do if I have any chance of writing something that's half decent. The problem is I'm all about finding the problem but not solving it. Here's hoping that my resolution of writing will lead me to a more positive writing path. 

Once I have a story in my head, it must be written down. There's no solving it out in my head first otherwise I'll get bored when it comes to writing it down. At least that's how I feel. 

On another note; I hope you all have a lovely new year (though where I am it's the 2nd already so my party mood has well and truly gone) and 2014 brings you all the best.  

Post Before Uni Starts and I Get too Busy to Write

Hey People. 
This week is O Week for my Uni, so it starts real soon. With work and whatever else I have on, I'm starting to wonder when I'll have time to sit down and write - with anything, not just this blog. 
I thought then, that I should write a quick post before I put my nerd glasses on and hit the books. 
So what to write about? 
A few things come to mind: 

The first is that I'm going out tonight :D yay. I would be more excited if two people hadn't of bailed. I get the feeling that the others will as well and I'll be stuck at home drinking cider and watching Bridget Jones' Diary under my bed covers. 

Second was the news story about the two Canadian boys killed by a giant python. I don't want to dwell on such a horrific story (if you wish to take a look you can view the story by clicking this text) but I was shocked to find out that the snake was *quote news reader* "destroyed". I couldn't understand how they could kill a snake for doing what a snake does. If anything the handler should have been 'destroyed' for being so stupid and reckless. 

Thirdly there's Uni. Unit Outlines are out, classes are sorted, and we go back next week. I'm both excited and nervous! I know I freak out about everything and when I get back into the swing of things it will get better, but for now I'm freaking out! 

Neopets is my most used tab. Not exactly an exciting fourth topic to talk about, yet for me it kind of is. It's overtaken Facebook and Gmail (which has held the top spot for months now) which I thought could never happen. That shows how addicted I've become to the game! 

Er, I think that's about it for now. 
I don't know when I'll be posting again (though now I've said that, it will probably be tomorrow) but hopefully I wont be gone for too long and there will be a post occasionally through Uni semester. 

<3 Daydreamer. 

So Many Assignments! Yet no Motivation

Hello Interwebs, 
How are you this chilly, yet sunny Autumn day? (unless you're overseas somewhere North, in that case, happy Spring?) 

Anyway, you'd be proud to know that I handed in my 2,500 word essay today :) 
Yay for Daydreamer! 
And I got some marks back from another unit - didn't fail anything; actually I did pretty well. 

So after a long day of editing, reading, writing, compiling bibliographies, I'm so tired. 
Though I can't rest - next week is a big week, which I have three things due :/ scared right now. None of them are finished by the way - in fact, there's one I haven't even started. 

Also, did I mention that I have a birthday next week? 
So on top of all that, I have a birthday to contend with. Though if it was anything like last years - which you can read here, I'll have nothing to worry about. By the way, I say there's fictional elements within the piece and I may have used my real name*. 

So it's with urgency I better start these assignments - but I just don't feel motivated. Even yesterday (a day before the essay was due) I was 'meh' to the whole thing. I guess that proves that it's late in the semester. Actually, I've only got a couple more weeks and I'm done. More time to blog - yay! 

ha, ha, I can hear you guys going 'nooooo' :P 

Sorry, for the boring post. I'm tired, and there ain't much going on in my life right now. But that doesn't stop me blogging. 
I promise next time will have something more interesting :) 

*something I never do by the way. Hm, I guess that proves I was really angry when I wrote it, and seriously need to change it. Actually I think I will.....

Writing Conundrum: A Piece That Doesn't Make Sense

So this morning I wrote a piece of children's writing for class. 
The idea is that it's a stand alone chapter for younger children, but could be brought out with other chapters to make it a simple chapter book. 
I was low on ideas.
But finally I came up with one - a shopping trip with a girl and her father. 
I wanted to make it something different so my mind flew off into different directions that could make the story interesting, funny and most importantly, appealing to younger readers. 
So off my story went, till I had something that I was pretty proud of. 
Leaving it for a while, I continued with other work, so when I came back to edit it, my mind would be fresh with the story. 
There was one thing in particular that stuck out in my mind - the story has no logic! It makes no sense and this could never happen in real life. 
I got the idea all wrong, and my perceptions of what a fridge at the supermarket looks like is all wrong. 
So now, I don't want to hand it in. 
But I have to. 
I cannot come up with other ideas (not at the moment anyway) and I know that whatever I do come up with, will probably suck just as bad. 
But I must hand it in - for my whole class to see - a story that makes no sense and has no logic or reason behind it! 
In my attempt to make it appealing for children, I have lost simple logic, making my story stupid and weak. 

So, do I hand it in, and say 'hey, it's for children, it doesn't need to make sense', or do I not and it in at all. Hm, very tricky, and once again proves, that I truly am a writing coward. 

*Also, no one else in my class has showed theirs yet (if they've done them at all) so I have nothing to go off, in how bad my story actually sucks. 

Being a Writing Coward.

If you're not aware, I'm in the precipice of being a writer...well kind of. 
I'm a writing student at University, I write (almost) everyday, read a lot (thank you Uni readings) and...well...I just want to be one, OK? I don't need to justify it to you; though I was the one who started it. 

Through Uni, they've given us a range of tools to get our works published. 
Techniques on storytelling, writing and editing our work,
The expectations of publishers, the knock backs and the comebacks we'll have to deal with AKA preparation for the real writing world,
The chance to work with people in the writing industry, both locally and internationally and in a vast range of genres. 

Another tool they have given us (well lead us to) are literary journals; magazines waiting for your unpublished, fantastic prose to print. Whether it's poetry, short stories, non-fiction; if it's good enough, they'll publish it. 
The idea of an actual journal publishing my work is the most exciting thing I can think of. 
Despite most of these journals being small, local, hardly read by anyone and not-for-profit - few journals pay money for your work; they don't have the funds - I still (badly) want my work to be in one of those journals. 

I've had a look around and found a couple of local journals that encourage local writers. I think this is a good place for me to start. 
I have even narrowed it down and after look at some (buying them is a good idea to get a feel of what they're after) I have even chosen which one I'd like to send my work to. 
Yes; I have a piece of work waiting to be sent. I wrote it late at night weeks ago (I found out some news that made me angry and hence a good muse for my writing) and since then I've edited it, formatted it, read it over and over and if I had to be honest - I quite like it.

Then doubt creeps in. 
I keep thinking that it's not good enough; that the editors will take one look at it, burst into laughter and send a "are you serious, this is the worst crap we have ever read" email back to me. 
I know it's silly, and even if it is crap (which it is) they'd never put it in those words. 
It's a horrifying thought, thinking that someone, somewhere (and being a small city, not far away from me) is looking at my work and deciding whether it's good enough for print - no matter how small that publisher is. 

I have a deadline; submissions for issue 4 are due early March; if I don't send my work in by then I'll be kicking myself, and I will have the nervous wait of the next issue submissions (months away). 
If I do send it in, I'll be kicking myself; what was I thinking; my work isn't good enough to be in one of those lit mags! 
I'll never know until I try. The bottom line is; if I don't hand anything in - then it will most certainly never get published. 

I just need to get over my Cowardly Lion act over writing:

"I do believe in books, I do believe in books, I do, I do, I do, I do." 

It can't possibly be a Year Already?

Last week was my last week of Uni classes. 
I couldn't believe I've been a Uni student for a whole year! The year has seemed to go so fast. 
It's also been a year, since the end of year 12. 
I can't deny, I was sad to see that place go, and as my brother still goes there; I'm a bit jealous. But I am glad I'm not a college student any more. The freedom and world that is Uni is such an amazing experience, so I'm sad that classes are over. 
Two major assignment were handed in yesterday, and the last thing I need to do, is an exam I have later in the week. 
And then that's it. 
Till next year anyway. 
Three months away. 
And this is why I'm so sad. It hasn't really hit yet - but because I'm lame and don't have a social life; I don't know what I'm going to do with myself for three months! Now, my Mum would say "get a job, you slacker," but I really couldn't be bothered. And who wants to work in retail anyway? 
So I guess it would be a good time to rev up the blog posts, get this thing up and running again and start paying real attention to it. 
So I'm sending you a challenge to anyone who stumbles past this blog. 
From next week, I'll start to look at this regularily. 
If there is anything  you want me to blog about; let me know and I'll do it. 
Got a movie or book you want to share? A serious issue you want brought attention to? Or something tremendously silly - I'll blog about it. 

So just met me know. 

Or alternatively, check out my older blog posts. Some of them are actually good. 

Anniversary Celebrations; but not for me.

Been A while, I know. 
And really, I shouldn't be writing anything now (I have a ton of work to do, it's not even funny, and today I set myself the task of working my little butt off, but then I was confused about this thing and was trying to figure it out and by the end of the day, I still haven't got anywhere.) 

Whoa, what a long bracket sentence *my bad* 
Also, this will be really informal - all the essays I've been doing, plus my writing, plus uni's writing...arg! 
I'm amazed the first thing I want to do is write more! 

But I feel bad for neglecting this poor little thing; with small posts, little views and no comments or followers. *Why do I have a blog again?*

The topic of today's post is a congratulatory one. 
Today my parents celebrate their 20th wedding anniversary. *cheers, Champaign popping, glasses tinkering* - you know that kind of noise. 

I'm so proud of my parents and lucky to have them. Growing up, (at one stage) all of my friendship group's parents were divorced and they lived with their mums. They also never, or very little, saw their dads. 
I'm grateful, that my parents are very much in love (ew, OK, don't want to think about that.) 

So today, it was sad to see Mum trodding off to work early this morning, while Dad stayed home (he's "sick.") Actually, no really he is; you'll be glad to know that he's getting better *I think it's the alcohol* 
They spent the day apart. Mum rang earlier today, and they talked on the phone for hours *glad to know Mum's actually working*
And when she got home, they opened champagne and have been celebrating ever since. 
And it's only 6pm. 
We're staying home and take away will be arriving shortly (something special, like Indian; not the run of the mill Maccas or anything ew.) 

So, basically; congrats to Mummy and Daddy - and I hope in another 20 years, you guys are just as happy. *But hopefully, I wont still be living in the same house* 

Oh dear God - did I just jinx myself? 

  

Just a Quicky to Prove I'm Alive.

Well, I wasn't joking. 
I can't even tell you how long it's been. And I've been a very busy bee. Basically the only thing I've been doing though is uni - but in my defence; it's a lot of work. 
This week is a mid semester brake (woohoo a week off) and I decided I had time to come back and write to you all. 
In my little thought bubble I have a few ideas on what upcoming posts will be about; including book reviews, rants (boy I love those) and other random thoughts. Which I would love to do today....but; I could go on forever, and I don't have the time (I know, I can here your "aws" from here). 
But this bee has (over the last couple of days) struck disaster. 

I'm sick. 

I feel horrible and crap. When my nose isn't blocked, it's running like a tap. Not to mention it looks a lot like Rudolph's. My throat has a tickle monster in it, which won't leave. My head hurts - don't laugh I really do feel awful. 

The only thing in my favour is that I don't have to go anywhere this week. I can stay at home and try with all my might to get better. Which isn't as hard as you think - if you don't already know, I love nothing better, than doing nothing. I pride myself on it actually. 
So it should be easy for me to get better right?

It's already been a couple of days. I've been drinking so much water, I can't believe I haven't drowned. I've eating so many mandarin's I have a citrus-y sent wherever I go. Which isn't out in public thank God. 

Ah! I literally just sneezed just now. Massive sad face for me, because this is a serious sickness. It's not like those ones where you feel a little sick, but you play it up to get out of school (ah, good times) or the ones where it doesn't effect anything you do, because it's not actually that bad - you can still soldier on. 

I feel like shit all the time and there's nothing to do but to wade it out. *sigh* 
Well, as long as I get better by next week (uni week) I'll be happy. 

So if you're reading this and also feel under the weather. I here you. And could you pass me a tissue?   

Sadness: Going on A Brake

Well, for those who don't know, uni has begun in full flight, and it was only a couple of days ago that I realised that I have a lot of work to do. 
Assignments, weekly readings, writings, assignments. There's a lot of stuff I have to get started on. 

So I'm going on hiatus, and I'm not to sure when I'll be coming back. But hopefully it's soon. 
If I'm able, there might be a post here and there, or if I'm so sick of working, I might just update for fun...but I highly doubt it. 
The assignments are really testing this semester, and I think that I am definitely have to put the hard yards in to make the grade...literally. 

So farewell. Adios and addiju (that's goodbye in Maltese.) 

And wish me luck. There's going to be so much reading. So Much. 

To Keep the Degree, or Change the Degree? That is the Question.

University - the place where your decisions will have an impact on the rest of your life.
Well, career wise, anyway.

HELP!
Recently I made the decision to change my bachelor degree. I've been mulling it over for ages now, but until recently decided to take the plunge.
So I emailed the people I needed to talk to and asked how I change my degree.
I didn't think it would be that hard - I've already done units, which can be crossed over into my new degree and any that can't can be applied to credit.
Too easy.

Well, so I thought.

The process will take at least two weeks. I have only a month before enrolments close. And I can't enrol until they have given me an offer.
So I'm working against the clock here.
The longer I put off enrolling - the harder it will be to get the classes and the times I want.

Shit.

And on top of that, I've missed units, which can only be done in Semester one. So I will be behind - but I'm pretty sure, I can catch up next year - well at least I think.
And then I think, "what if I can't?"
 I know, just email people who can help and they will tell you. Well I have. Several times.
And here's my second worry.

I emailed the people to talk to on Monday, since then - today's Wednesday, I have been emailing them with new questions. Because obviously, once they answer something, a new question comes into my head.
And I'm a worrier. So I've been asking everything.
I know it's their job, and I'm sure they're happy to do it. But I can't help but feel sorry for them.
Here's a girl, changing her degree at the last minute, has a gazillion questions....

But I have to say, the women who has been helping me has been extremely helpful, and is doing a great job, helping me make a decision.

And yet, I still haven't made it.

To keep the degree?
Or change the degree?

I'm worried if I change my degree, it wont get processed in time, and then I don't know what I could do. I honestly don't.
On the other hand, if I keep the degree I'm doing now, the chances of me not enjoying it are high. I won't be interested in it and I'm positive it will impact my marks. In a negative way, obviously.

So what to do?
To be honest, I don't know. And with time working against me, I'm really starting to freak out.

Oh, and did I mention:
I've only done one semester of uni. I'm still new to this whole world, and mixing it up is seriously freaking me out!