I should not have said that, I should not have said that!!

I blame my heart - the fuel of my emotions that uses the veins in my body to pump those wild feelings around. 

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Have you ever said something to someone that you probably shouldn't have? 

And has that person been a tall, dark and handsome man you've had your eye on at Uni, work, the cafe? And by some miracle he actually started talking to you and you (sort of) know each other now? 

You have on and off conversations and when the ball is dropped, and you're no longer talking to the tall, dark and handsome (not so much) stranger; you begin to think how you can pick up this ball and throw it in his direction; he'll catch it, and hooray - you have yourself a date. 

Then you've got it!

Something that will make you look like a hilarious goddess that no man can refuse. Something that says 'hey, I'm a great person' while at the same time looks seductively at you with those 'come hither' smoulder eyes. 

You're thinking

Source: imgur.com 

So, in that moment of egotistical euphoria you say/send the thing that was oh-so-hilarious. 

And then your heart freezes and your blood runs cold and you immediately think....

Source: Kellyelizabeth.org

Something that sounded oh-so-funny and witty at the time is now the dumbest, lamest thing you could have ever said and the tall, dark, handsome (not so) stranger will run for the hills. 

This is when you start freaking out; your heart starts pumping those emotions like crazy and you go wild and you want to scream (but you can't!) so you log off your computer, run away from your desk and start hyperventilating in the corner of your bedroom. 

At least that is what I did - just then. 

I may (or may not - ok well obviously I did) have sent a message to a guy I've been crushing on for weeks. 

As soon as I sent the message - what should have been a hilarious surprise for his Facebook inbox -  I covered my eyes with my hands, started crying, logged onto Blogger and started typing this. 

I'm too scared to log onto Facebook again. 

What if he didn't reply?

What if he did??!! 

I'm a wuss - you know this already. You must. 

* 

I logged onto Facebook - and he seems to think that I'm actually hilarious. He got the gist of the joke and in his reply kept it going - whoo! 

So I replied again....with an even more hilarious come back.....wait; no!!! 

Here it goes again.....oops. 

My Fantasies are getting Wayyyyy out of Control.

From as young as I can remember (well at least from year 5, anyway) I have lived my love life in fantasy. 
Being a nerdy, ugly, shy, funny child and teenager meant that boys didn't exactly come knocking on my door. At all. 
So, to make up for my lacking (or non-existent) love life I daydreamed it in my head. 
When I was younger, it was of boys from my school. It never left the school yard and usually involved the same guy for a long period of time; I had limited choices. 
I got to High School and while my fantasies stayed in the school community, a wider choice of guys meant I could be more fickle with my crushes and my, well...err, "boyfriends". 
Then it started to spread into the world of Hollywood - celebrities galore! Hooray! I remember I

Google Images 

had the biggest crush on Max Benitz who played Midshipman Calamy in Russell Crowe's Master and Commander. It literally lasted for years....even thinking about it now......OK Daydreamer, come back to reality girl! 
As I grew older my needs became more dire and the same fantasy grew old very quickly. 
I had different fantasies all over the place. People I knew, celebrities, people I'd make up, book characters, my "ideal" man, etc. 
Then I grew up. 
Sort of. 
I still fantasise. In fact I do it more than ever. 
Instead of outlandish events that would never happen, with guys that are way out of my league/don't know I exist/ too young/old; the guys in my fantasies became more realistic. They became men. Real men that I could have a relationship with. 
I started dating myself, had a better idea of what relationships involved and just basically became an adult about these things. 
They weren't all the time (because, you know, as a young female it can literally take up ALL of your day) and they were in moderation. 
Recently though I'm finding I'm getting more outlandish with my fantasies again. Not good. 
A few weeks ago I discovered this small town band - they're from my town actually, and I even know people who are friends with the band members. 
One of these said band members is quite the attractive fellow, and these past weeks have found me daydreaming about this guy and how great he is. And more importantly, how great we'd be as a couple. 
I haven't even met the guy. 
It's starting to get bad. 
The band has a YouTube channel, which hasn't been updated in over a year. But they'd find an increase in their video views. My bad. 
Don't get me wrong, I love their music but I know I wouldn't be watching it if he wasn't in it. 
So it's begun again. Daydreamer's wild, out there fantasies about love have taken over once more. 
I think I'll need a guy in one of my Uni classes to sweep me off my feet instead. 
That will never happen though. 
Not in real life anyway....

Google Images: Daydreaming Bubble.