I should not have said that, I should not have said that!!

I blame my heart - the fuel of my emotions that uses the veins in my body to pump those wild feelings around. 

*

Have you ever said something to someone that you probably shouldn't have? 

And has that person been a tall, dark and handsome man you've had your eye on at Uni, work, the cafe? And by some miracle he actually started talking to you and you (sort of) know each other now? 

You have on and off conversations and when the ball is dropped, and you're no longer talking to the tall, dark and handsome (not so much) stranger; you begin to think how you can pick up this ball and throw it in his direction; he'll catch it, and hooray - you have yourself a date. 

Then you've got it!

Something that will make you look like a hilarious goddess that no man can refuse. Something that says 'hey, I'm a great person' while at the same time looks seductively at you with those 'come hither' smoulder eyes. 

You're thinking

Source: imgur.com 

So, in that moment of egotistical euphoria you say/send the thing that was oh-so-hilarious. 

And then your heart freezes and your blood runs cold and you immediately think....

Source: Kellyelizabeth.org

Something that sounded oh-so-funny and witty at the time is now the dumbest, lamest thing you could have ever said and the tall, dark, handsome (not so) stranger will run for the hills. 

This is when you start freaking out; your heart starts pumping those emotions like crazy and you go wild and you want to scream (but you can't!) so you log off your computer, run away from your desk and start hyperventilating in the corner of your bedroom. 

At least that is what I did - just then. 

I may (or may not - ok well obviously I did) have sent a message to a guy I've been crushing on for weeks. 

As soon as I sent the message - what should have been a hilarious surprise for his Facebook inbox -  I covered my eyes with my hands, started crying, logged onto Blogger and started typing this. 

I'm too scared to log onto Facebook again. 

What if he didn't reply?

What if he did??!! 

I'm a wuss - you know this already. You must. 

* 

I logged onto Facebook - and he seems to think that I'm actually hilarious. He got the gist of the joke and in his reply kept it going - whoo! 

So I replied again....with an even more hilarious come back.....wait; no!!! 

Here it goes again.....oops. 

Living the Single Life....All my Life.

Soon I'll be 21. 

And over the past week I've been reminiscing about the life I have so far lead. 

It's not too shabby I think but one thing has gotten to me. 

I've never been in a relationship. 

Ever. 

It's not so much as 'I've never been in a relationship' that's gotten to me, it's more that no guy (on this earth!) has thought, or said in so many words - "Daydreamer, you're amazing, I think you're wonderful and I want to share that with you."  

Fuck it - "Wanna go on a date?" would do. 

Or even a spontaneous kiss to show me would also suffice. 

I know I'll only be 21, but for me that's old. Watching friends go in and out of relationships at school, developing from school yard crushes to serious relationships, casual flings to girlfriend/boyfriend - I'm feeling left out. Again. 

Today I posted a cover photo on my Facebook page about being single - hello Bridget Jones, which numerous people liked. Even one person commented 'typical'. 

That's when it hit me; I'm known (not only by my friends, but everyone else that knows me - even a little bit) as the single girl. 

People in my life are used to me being single and it is common knowledge I'm always available and no person has seemed interested. I'm always just...single. 

I believe that if I actually managed to be in a relationship there would be people who wouldn't know how to handle it. It's unnatural for me to be with another human being in that way. 

I don't help the situation; I'm constantly complaining, making jokes, letting the world know that I'm single - either as a good thing or bad. 

The closer I get to my birthday the more I'm starting to believe no prince is going to come into my life. 

Surely it would be easier to give up and except the inevitable than to keep caring. Because when I care, I just end up getting hurt. 

When if my prince charming (in whichever form he takes) comes along; you guys will be the first to know. 

<3 

Jealous Singleton - A Rant about being Single.

Hello everyone. 
I'm back again, even though I should be doing Uni assignments, but let's not go there, hey? 

So today, I was reading a blog (not on Blogspot however, hmph) about dating, sexual encounters and the like. Something that gets a lot of traffic, cause it's light porn for the guys, and gossip for the girls. 
However there are some cute posts and it wasn't all bad. 

This girl has had a lot of boyfriends and a hell of a lot more dates. I was happy to read it at first, but then the monster of jealousy kicked in. 

I started to feel mad. Then annoyed. Then pissed off. Till finally I wanted to kick the daylights out of every human being that had ever been on a date (sorry). 

Free Commons Website

Currently I'm single - and I have been for a while...a looonnnnggggg while. A lot of my friends are dating and if they're not - they are on the cuff and have guys in that motion heading that way. Or alternatively they have f*ck buddies and live life that way; whatever floats their boats, I guess. 
Me however has none of these things (though I'm not big on the Friends With Benefits {FWB} thing anyway). 

Now, 99% of the time I'm totally cool with it; no, truly I am. I don't have to deal with the sh*t a boyfriend comes with and even though I miss out on the tons of positive things - I'm busy with Uni right now anyway. 

- I know the Uni thing sounds like an excuse (and it is, pretty much) but still. 

But reading this chicks blog kinda made me miss the cute moments you spend with a special someone and the love that the two of you share. 

I find being single in the 21st century (though when I lived in the 20th I was 7) is hard.
We are always reminded of love, dating, relationships and more than anything else, we are reminded of sex - and if you're not doing it, you're nobody. 

I think nowadays the biggest thing is the S.E.X - it's such a casual thing, that even if you don't have a boy/girlfriend, you should be doing it with someone anyway. 
Whether it be FWB, one night stands, casual flings, etc. 
I'm not the kind of person to jump into bed with someone who doesn't know my first name - and having this mindset to sex has given me the 'traditional' stamp by numerous friends. 

I don't see myself as overly traditional. I'm not one of those premarital sex is off the cards kinda gal (and if you are, I applaud you) nor do I act stuck-up or bitchy in anyway. I also have confidence and I don't think I'm ugly or anything - not that how you look has anything to do with it. 
Guys are just not interested. 

Growing up, I'll be honest - I would expect my older self to be in a relationship by now. 
Where are the hotties lining up outside your door?
The cute, funny, smart man who takes you out on dates; What do you mean he doesn't exist? 
So, there's no boyfriend you make love to every night?

Yep, my younger self would be seriously disappointed. 
And after wallowing in all of this, so am I. 

* I put the *'s just in case I offended somebody with my ranting, lonely swearing. Keep it clean kids! 

The Downsides to Being a Hermit

Choosing to live the hermit life is hard. 
Firstly, one tends to pick this life after experiencing what it's like to have friends. And as hermit life tends to creep up on its victim, these "friends" haven't yet realised the path you have taken.
Unfortunately the hermit life was forced on me. 
I desperately wish to go out - but my hermit-induced soul will not let that happen. 
Luckily for this part of my body, the rest of me doesn't have to will power to break free. I also contain other characteristics which help fuel my hermit ways. 
- I have few friends (I've touched on this before, so lets not go back there.)
- I don't drive (also something touched upon before.)
- I'm a worrier. 
- I tend to focus on the negative rather than the positive. 
- I don't work. 
- I never leave the house. 

As you can tell, I'm a delightful person to be around. But I wasn't always like this. At the start of last year, most of these things weren't on my list (not being able to drive, nor work, were still on the list) but the others weren't even an issue. I was engaged with real life dealings, would talk through my issues with real people and not that of a computer screen, would leave the house at least five days a week, would regularly attend parties and was always seen as the "funny one" (funny here being ha ha and not weird). 

It is this person, that these friends still believe I am. And was why, yesterday, I received a birthday invite from one of them. 
I haven't talked to most of them in over a year. 
Some I departed with on bad terms. 
They all still talk to each other regularly. 
My #1 arch frenemy - someone who was a friend but wasn't, isn't invited - so I don't know what this means. 
I don't know how to get there (I don't drive remember).
Or get home. 
I don't even know if any of them actually like me any-more. Maybe they are hoping that I wont show. 

But with only a few days to make up my mind - things are not looking good for Daydreamer . HELP. 
.

Forever Alone

Hey guys,
A very unusual and embarrassing account happened to me today and and if I had friends I would surely laugh about it with them. But because I don't, you (people of the Internet) get to hear it instead. 

At least I'm not this guy.

Now, I know I'm not a social person. I haven't left the house since...oh wait, I left it yesterday, but not to meet anybody.
Basically, when it comes to leaving the house for a social occasion (family members excluded) it is very, very rarely. 
A lot of friends I used to have I don't talk to often or at all, let alone actually catch up with them. 

When I heard my phone buzz this afternoon it was quite a shock. It goes off little and the vibration it makes against my dresser is quite loud. I grabbed it thinking it would be the phone company ("A special offer, only for a limited time") and was even more shocked to discover that it was an actual person - an actual friend. 
Even more shocking, someone I haven't talked to (at all) in literally months! 
And the message captured that...

OMG How are you?? We haven't talked in ageeeessssss -_- talk soon Babe. 

Now, even though I hadn't communicated with this person in a while, this wasn't how they acted when I did used to talk to them.
Looking back, I should have seen the signs. 
Nevertheless, I was touched to see that someone had actually remembered me and wanted to catch up (I only presumed). I wanted to reply straight away. Telling them that I know it has been ages, but regardless would love to hang out.

But I had no credit. 

Bugger. It would have to wait. 

So, I continued what I was doing, and decided afterward, I would log onto the Internet and chat with her there. I got caught up with some other stuff and left my room. 
It was around half an hour when I got back. I turned my computer on and went to my phone to check the message again. I had another message.

Me? Daydreamer has another message? Two in one day, that's a record. 

It was from the same person. Telling me that the children she coaches had taken her phone and sent messages to random people. 
And this was it. The bottom of the bottom of my social life. The only person to talk to me and want to hang out, was nothing but a seven year olds prank.

That's embarrassing. But I can be thankful for my phone credit (or lack there of). If I had of had credit and sent a heartfelt message filled with memories, reminiscent and old times - could you imagine the humiliation then; for the both of us? 
At least I could brush it off with a casual "yeah, I saw that - pretty funny" response.  

So I know I'm unsociable - but really?! Did I deserve this? 
I don't think so. 
So for anyone who's feeling a bit alone, here's something to cheer you (and I) up.