Writing Motivation

Once Uni is done for the semester I'll write more. Every day. 

This is what I tell myself when Uni is busy, I'm busy and I feel like I haven't got time to write. Then when Uni does finish up I find myself doing everything but writing. 
I've gotten myself into a rut and I need to get out of it. 

So I made a new years resolution. 

I am to write 1,000 words everyday. It can contribute to any story I'm writing but it has to go towards stories I want to see published one day and one day soon. It doesn't have to be good, it just needs to be on the page. I find myself coming up with all these stories in my head, working them all out there and by the time I try and put pen to paper I've burnt out and the story no longer interests me. 

I know 1,000 words is not a lot. But that's ok. I don't want myself to be overwhelmed by the idea and this gives me room to work and do Uni and everything else. I'm not also constricted to 1,000 if I'm on a roll, have found motivation or simply (though this seems unlikely at the moment) just want to write for....fun? 

And there's my problem. I've put pressure on myself to write. I look at myself as a writer. I feel as though I should have books out by the time I graduate. That the degree I've chosen to do means nothing if I'm not writing, reading, or at least working towards my goal - a published book. 

That's another thing - I'm not reading either. It's another thing I must do if I have any chance of writing something that's half decent. The problem is I'm all about finding the problem but not solving it. Here's hoping that my resolution of writing will lead me to a more positive writing path. 

Once I have a story in my head, it must be written down. There's no solving it out in my head first otherwise I'll get bored when it comes to writing it down. At least that's how I feel. 

On another note; I hope you all have a lovely new year (though where I am it's the 2nd already so my party mood has well and truly gone) and 2014 brings you all the best.  

Sits Down and Gets Serious About Writing....Oh Look, Google!

This morning I sat down to my computer and continued a story I was working on. 

I just had breakfast, had a warm, half drunk tea on the table, the curtains pulled back and I was rugged up, ready to go. 

I was in the zone. 

My head was buzzing with ideas but still had a focused mindset. I managed to string out a few paragraphs too. 

Then I got stuck. Not dramatically; my character needed a hat - I was determined on it. But What type of hat? I'm not an expert on hats in general, let alone men's hats, but I needed a specific type of hat this character needed to wear. 

I'll Google it, was my first instinct. 

Big mistake. 

I then spent 15 minutes...longer, trying to find the perfect hat for this character - a tangible detail that's not even important!

But I did find a hat. 

While I may have digressed, I clicked back onto word to continue. 

But it was gone. 

My focus, my ready mindset, my ideas, my inspiration and my motivation. They had deserted me. 

That small amount of time digressing had cost me. 

I looked at the words at the screen and went 'meh.' In frustration and sadness I then jumped on here to tell you about it - another digression. 

I find it happens to me all the time - and I hate it. We all do when it happens. But that's just it; it happens. 

If I take one thing from this, it shouldn't be negative. 

I chose to take from this that, even if it stopped my flow, my character (even if he has a smallish part) now has a hat. 

It's a Stingy Brim; if you were wondering. 

Writing Warriors: Bouncing Back After Rejection

It has happened. 
The journal I submitted my work to replied to my email. It wasn't good. 
The email itself was sweet and optimistic for the future. 
At first glance it looks like a personal email, written only for you. It softens the blow, however it's just a stark, polite email sent to all it's failed writers, I'm sure.  
I remember reading it thinking 'OK, well that turned out this way' and I felt indifferent about it. 
Then I started really thinking about it. 
They didn't want my work. 
It got worse. 
They don't like me, they accept other work - what's wrong with mine? I'm a failure and this writing thing is never going to work.  
It started to get personal and very depressing. 
I got angry, vowing I would never submit work into that journal again. Even thinking that I would submit into other journals that would accept my work, and I would be a big success and this journal would be regretting not taking my words of amazingness!!! 
I can be a bit melodramatic at times. 
Last night to say I was upset was an understatement. 
I needed to think back to what my lecturers have been saying. Rejection is apart of the writing world. 
Everyone (at some point) will have that letter/email saying that the certain publication doesn't want your work - be it a one page poem, or a thousand page novel. 
I needed to have a good cry about it (and a good punch up with the punching bag) and get over it. 
Which I think I am now. 
But there's still one thing bugging me. 
This morning I had a look at the email. I opened the link to take me to my poem. I read the first line and stopped. 
I hated it. I felt stupid for submitting it, of course they didn't want it, it sucks! I read more and felt like laughing at it - it's that dumb. 
But I'm wrong. It's not a bad poem. Yes, it needs to be polished. Things could be different and made better; that's always the case. 
Right now I can't even look at my work. I started writing something in the early (really early) hours of the morning in a blur of tears, which I don't dare read back. 
Last night I had an epiphany that I was going to polish this rejected poem up and send it off somewhere else - see what happens there. 
It might have to wait though - I need allowed time to grieve. 

I Feel Like I Just got Smacked in the Face

Hey Dudes, 
If you're like me, then writing is the thing for you.
You've wanted to write since you were in grade five. A wee little lass with a heart of gold (and delusions) on being a successful writer one day; preferably partying it up with JK and Tolkien (in my defence, in year five, I didn't know he was dead - I was only 11 after all). 

You go through High School and what you want to be changes - I remember teacher, nurse, actress, dancer,  Kardashian (just to name a few). 

Then something pulls you back on the writing path. Whether it was writing a journal for the sake of writing, reading a whole lot because you love to be transported in a new world, writing a blog, loving English class. Whatever it may have been, something pulls you back onto the writing path. 
Next thing you know, you're off at University studying the writing way. 

And we're back in present day. 

I have been studying writing at Uni for a year and a half now (there are multiple posts on it, so feel free to browse) and I'm already half way through my degree. 
Listening to lecturer's say that (if you put in the work) publishing - in whatever form - is possible. 
It's this advice I listen to the most - I mean I'm supposed to, right? 
Then today I came across another blog. 
It told me that being published is not an option, it's not going to happen and if you think that it is, bury your face in the sand and wait for flying pigs because it's never going to happen. 

I don't know this lady personally. 
I've never even come across her or her blog before now. 
People who have actually had books published and live off it have told me otherwise. 

Though what she said felt like a slap in the face. I guess I have a lot riding on this writing thing and if it fails for me...well I don't know what I'll do. Fuck, I sound so pessimistic, sorry.
I have it in my head that it will all work out, but there is a lot of doubt as well. I guess when people tell me that it wont happen I believe them. 

Sorry for being a downer right now, but I needed to get that all out. 

By the way, I checked some of her other posts, including: 
- Don't Do What you Love           &
- Never go to Grad School 

Yeah, something tells me I should treat this women's words like water off a ducks back. 

Jealousy Monster has Arisen Once More. Oh Boy :/

So a few weeks ago (or thereabouts) I wrote a piece about being a jealous singleton; basically me being jealous over smug, happy couples, after which I may have gotten off my face in beer and tears. But anyway...

This post is about me being Jealous over authors. Not all authors, only a few really, ones that are younger, more unique, and more talented (I think anyway) than me. Also, did I mention these teen-talents are published too? Ergh. 
Let me begin...

Over the past few months I've really gotten into literary journals - mostly the ones that promote local talent. I've only recently have submitted something myself and is currently waiting for the 'no. This is a rejection' reply. 
Some of the work is really amazing, like Oh, My God - others go over my head and others aren't my style - but we all have our opinions. 

It was however, that I came across one piece that I wasn't a fan of. After looking up the author's bio at the back of the journal, I found she had a blog, and decided I'd check it out. 
On the blog I found other pieces of writing - much better than her one in the journal. I started to really like her work and thought she was talented - this hasn't changed.
However, I then discovered that this talented, little Pixie is only 16. She's only 16?! Mother F*cker!!!!!! 

I was furious. How could someone, who is so young, be writing that stuff, getting published and be really talented?
I then made the discovery - she has had her work printed in multiple journals - some more than once. She also is an artist and had different forms of writing, artwork and whatever else this little Pixie can produce out there into the public. 

roigbiongorbnrginienfoenfnwleofniobnfnengirbiorfwfmrrpwofmv. 

Sorry, the jealousy monster in the pit of my soul took over. I discovered this weeks ago, and still haven't gotten control of it. 
I mean....I don't even....blah. 

I can't help but compare everything I do with her. And I'm losing. 
I know I sound pathetic, and a tad ridiculous...OK seriously ridiculous, but I can't help it - it's in my nature. 

I know it's like comparing apples and oranges; we have our own unique style, you can't compare because you are different, blah, blah, blah.
But this chick is a f**king mango - and who doesn't like mangoes?! 

It probably doesn't help that I celebrated my 20th birthday the other day, and I'm coming to the realisation that...I'm getting old. Like, a bad old, not the good old when you're still a teenager and can't wait to be 'older'. I'm getting walking-stick older - not good. 

So, with a face of defeat - though it's been a battle between myself, so I can hardly complain - I decided to write about it in Thought Bubble. 
As I logged on, I had a check over the other blogs I follow. One is for writers - I know, predictable! 
I scrolled down to a post written about a book for children. 
It has won many awards - well a couple anyway,
the author of the blog seemed to enjoy it,
it's a proper, out in the shelves published book,
and the author is ten years old........

What?! 

Yes, that's right people (or should I say write ;) lol) the author is a ten year old!

All of a sudden, that 16 year old is looking like a comrade in arms right now. 

I don't know how the Jealousy Monster is going to take this news. 

Writing Conundrum: A Piece That Doesn't Make Sense

So this morning I wrote a piece of children's writing for class. 
The idea is that it's a stand alone chapter for younger children, but could be brought out with other chapters to make it a simple chapter book. 
I was low on ideas.
But finally I came up with one - a shopping trip with a girl and her father. 
I wanted to make it something different so my mind flew off into different directions that could make the story interesting, funny and most importantly, appealing to younger readers. 
So off my story went, till I had something that I was pretty proud of. 
Leaving it for a while, I continued with other work, so when I came back to edit it, my mind would be fresh with the story. 
There was one thing in particular that stuck out in my mind - the story has no logic! It makes no sense and this could never happen in real life. 
I got the idea all wrong, and my perceptions of what a fridge at the supermarket looks like is all wrong. 
So now, I don't want to hand it in. 
But I have to. 
I cannot come up with other ideas (not at the moment anyway) and I know that whatever I do come up with, will probably suck just as bad. 
But I must hand it in - for my whole class to see - a story that makes no sense and has no logic or reason behind it! 
In my attempt to make it appealing for children, I have lost simple logic, making my story stupid and weak. 

So, do I hand it in, and say 'hey, it's for children, it doesn't need to make sense', or do I not and it in at all. Hm, very tricky, and once again proves, that I truly am a writing coward. 

*Also, no one else in my class has showed theirs yet (if they've done them at all) so I have nothing to go off, in how bad my story actually sucks. 

Being a Writing Coward.

If you're not aware, I'm in the precipice of being a writer...well kind of. 
I'm a writing student at University, I write (almost) everyday, read a lot (thank you Uni readings) and...well...I just want to be one, OK? I don't need to justify it to you; though I was the one who started it. 

Through Uni, they've given us a range of tools to get our works published. 
Techniques on storytelling, writing and editing our work,
The expectations of publishers, the knock backs and the comebacks we'll have to deal with AKA preparation for the real writing world,
The chance to work with people in the writing industry, both locally and internationally and in a vast range of genres. 

Another tool they have given us (well lead us to) are literary journals; magazines waiting for your unpublished, fantastic prose to print. Whether it's poetry, short stories, non-fiction; if it's good enough, they'll publish it. 
The idea of an actual journal publishing my work is the most exciting thing I can think of. 
Despite most of these journals being small, local, hardly read by anyone and not-for-profit - few journals pay money for your work; they don't have the funds - I still (badly) want my work to be in one of those journals. 

I've had a look around and found a couple of local journals that encourage local writers. I think this is a good place for me to start. 
I have even narrowed it down and after look at some (buying them is a good idea to get a feel of what they're after) I have even chosen which one I'd like to send my work to. 
Yes; I have a piece of work waiting to be sent. I wrote it late at night weeks ago (I found out some news that made me angry and hence a good muse for my writing) and since then I've edited it, formatted it, read it over and over and if I had to be honest - I quite like it.

Then doubt creeps in. 
I keep thinking that it's not good enough; that the editors will take one look at it, burst into laughter and send a "are you serious, this is the worst crap we have ever read" email back to me. 
I know it's silly, and even if it is crap (which it is) they'd never put it in those words. 
It's a horrifying thought, thinking that someone, somewhere (and being a small city, not far away from me) is looking at my work and deciding whether it's good enough for print - no matter how small that publisher is. 

I have a deadline; submissions for issue 4 are due early March; if I don't send my work in by then I'll be kicking myself, and I will have the nervous wait of the next issue submissions (months away). 
If I do send it in, I'll be kicking myself; what was I thinking; my work isn't good enough to be in one of those lit mags! 
I'll never know until I try. The bottom line is; if I don't hand anything in - then it will most certainly never get published. 

I just need to get over my Cowardly Lion act over writing:

"I do believe in books, I do believe in books, I do, I do, I do, I do." 

Why is Writing so Hard?

Arg! 
I'm writing something. Not something huge - it begun as a hobby. Then I got into it more and more, and I have decided this idea is a good thing to write about. 


If you can't tell, I like to write. 


Arg! Even that beginning is stupid! 
I don't know why I thought writing up a new post would be a good idea. 
In fact, I don't think it is - but I have to write something. 
I have decided that I want to write at least 1,000 words a day - whether it's on here (probably won't be - sorry, just being honest) whether it's all for fun, or if I decide to get serious about something. 
I love to write and I really should be doing it more often - but sometimes it's just so hard! 


Like today.
To begin with, writing about this idea was a good one. I was flowing pretty good (oh dear - that was not a good comment, flowing pretty good - seriously?) 
But instead of flowing, I began scrutinising everything I write - like this for example. 
And now, the thought of continuing with what I was writing about is killing me. 


Sometimes I can write for hours, and it feels like only a couple of minutes. 
Other times (like today) I've only been writing for minutes, but boy, how it feels like hours. 


Hmm, maybe my goal of 1,000 a day will b tougher than I think.