Living the Single Life....All my Life.

Soon I'll be 21. 

And over the past week I've been reminiscing about the life I have so far lead. 

It's not too shabby I think but one thing has gotten to me. 

I've never been in a relationship. 

Ever. 

It's not so much as 'I've never been in a relationship' that's gotten to me, it's more that no guy (on this earth!) has thought, or said in so many words - "Daydreamer, you're amazing, I think you're wonderful and I want to share that with you."  

Fuck it - "Wanna go on a date?" would do. 

Or even a spontaneous kiss to show me would also suffice. 

I know I'll only be 21, but for me that's old. Watching friends go in and out of relationships at school, developing from school yard crushes to serious relationships, casual flings to girlfriend/boyfriend - I'm feeling left out. Again. 

Today I posted a cover photo on my Facebook page about being single - hello Bridget Jones, which numerous people liked. Even one person commented 'typical'. 

That's when it hit me; I'm known (not only by my friends, but everyone else that knows me - even a little bit) as the single girl. 

People in my life are used to me being single and it is common knowledge I'm always available and no person has seemed interested. I'm always just...single. 

I believe that if I actually managed to be in a relationship there would be people who wouldn't know how to handle it. It's unnatural for me to be with another human being in that way. 

I don't help the situation; I'm constantly complaining, making jokes, letting the world know that I'm single - either as a good thing or bad. 

The closer I get to my birthday the more I'm starting to believe no prince is going to come into my life. 

Surely it would be easier to give up and except the inevitable than to keep caring. Because when I care, I just end up getting hurt. 

When if my prince charming (in whichever form he takes) comes along; you guys will be the first to know. 

<3 

Getting to Old for Clubbing - Wha?

Last night I went out clubbing with a couple of mates. 

I hadn't been since November so I was psyched to let my hair down and be wooed by randy, drunk men. 

I drank too much, danced terribly and pushed my way through crowds of people to get more drinks and do more dancing. 

Then it hit me - 

It's always the same. 

The same places, the same vibe, the same everything. And I was getting bored with it. 

But it wasn't the same. 

- No longer do I appreciate a grope from behind by a guy I don't know/can't see and how doesn't know (or care) who I am. 

- I'm questioning the ages of some of the men in the club, thinking they look way to young to be on a night out; even though I'm only 20 myself. 

- My brain goggles don't seem to be working as well as they used to (or maybe I've become more stuck-up) and the calibre of men nowadays wasn't as good as when I was 18. 

- While I'm a free, happy, innocent soul, who hasn't had a bad one might stand with a random club goer, the same cannot be said for some of my friends; so drinking alcohol and being in a club setting, brings back the shame and regretful feelings and instead of being happy, go-getters - they turn to depressed, shameful cherubs - who don't dance, smile and are known to cry on occasion. The clubbing mood hasn't been the same since. 

- I feel more like a babysitter now, than a young adult having a fun night out. Most of this is due to the point above. 

- Money, money, money; every time I reach for that plastic and paper my heart cries a little.

- Smaller group. When I was younger, we used to grab everyone I know, and we'd all head out - about 5 or more of us. Nowadays it's never more than three, and it's not as fun when there's not as many as you. 

For the last few times I've gone clubbing (or even just out to a pub) I've come away with more negatives than positives. 

Maybe I'm starting to get too old for that scene. Or maybe (shock horror) I've become too mature for that type of crap. 

Next time (if there is one) I'll stick to playing pool in the corner instead - yeah, I think that's a good idea.  

A wanna be a festival chick

Here's my confession; I'm 20 and I've never been to a music festival. 
I know; it's pathetic. 
I should have been to many local festivals by now and at least gone to one interstate festival. But to my dismay I have not. 
Apart from the times when I never left the house, did or went anywhere (thanks depression years) I don't exactly have friends who charge at the idea of festivals. 
I'm not sure if I do either. 
Anything over 30 degrees Celsius for me is balmy and I start to melt. 
I'm a short woman and being pit deep next to shirtless men isn't exactly my ideal day either. 
I also cannot stand crowds and I know if I get caught in a mosh pit I will hyperventilate. 
So why do I want to go? 
I feel as though it's a rite of passage for young people these days. Whether I like it or hate it, going to as least one festival, to only say that I've been to one I feel is important. 
I know it might be strange but I feel like I'm missing out. By not having been to a festival before, I feel as though I'm not partaking in something that young people do and love. 
So my plan is to go to a festival this year - in April. 
It's a national tour that comes to my town, and I would love to go. I can afford it and while Uni will still be on at that point, I think it's something my friends and I can juggle - it's only one day after all. 

I just need to convince my friends to go now. :/ 

Writing Motivation

Once Uni is done for the semester I'll write more. Every day. 

This is what I tell myself when Uni is busy, I'm busy and I feel like I haven't got time to write. Then when Uni does finish up I find myself doing everything but writing. 
I've gotten myself into a rut and I need to get out of it. 

So I made a new years resolution. 

I am to write 1,000 words everyday. It can contribute to any story I'm writing but it has to go towards stories I want to see published one day and one day soon. It doesn't have to be good, it just needs to be on the page. I find myself coming up with all these stories in my head, working them all out there and by the time I try and put pen to paper I've burnt out and the story no longer interests me. 

I know 1,000 words is not a lot. But that's ok. I don't want myself to be overwhelmed by the idea and this gives me room to work and do Uni and everything else. I'm not also constricted to 1,000 if I'm on a roll, have found motivation or simply (though this seems unlikely at the moment) just want to write for....fun? 

And there's my problem. I've put pressure on myself to write. I look at myself as a writer. I feel as though I should have books out by the time I graduate. That the degree I've chosen to do means nothing if I'm not writing, reading, or at least working towards my goal - a published book. 

That's another thing - I'm not reading either. It's another thing I must do if I have any chance of writing something that's half decent. The problem is I'm all about finding the problem but not solving it. Here's hoping that my resolution of writing will lead me to a more positive writing path. 

Once I have a story in my head, it must be written down. There's no solving it out in my head first otherwise I'll get bored when it comes to writing it down. At least that's how I feel. 

On another note; I hope you all have a lovely new year (though where I am it's the 2nd already so my party mood has well and truly gone) and 2014 brings you all the best.  

Here's to NOT going overseas!!

For the past two years I've watched as my friends have said Adieu to Australian soil and stepped forth into lands beyond. 
Whether it was the UK, Europe, America, NZ, the tropical islands, with bags packed and smiles on their faces (and pictures all over their facebook) their horizons broadened and so did they. 

Unfortunately, with my feet firmly planted in my backyard I have remained the same. I have no tales of the land beyond, I haven't discovered anything new and I'm not one to go to for travel advice. 

Travelling is always something I've wanted to do - And I have a few places in mind. However due to financial drought, a run-out of friends, University - not to mention the dark time in my life when I literally did nothing, saw no one and wanted to kill myself - travelling is something that had to take a back seat. 

When people were saving up for a trip, I was crying my eyes out and slowly wilting my life away (yeah, sad story, bro). Now I'm in  the stage of my life where I'm saving my dough for the beyond, however the people around me already have that money saved and are rushing around the world before I can say 'wait for me!'

I'll be honest, it sucks to be the only one not travelling  - while that's not true, it certainly feels like it. I even have some friends that are going overseas for the second time ;'( <- crying!! 

There's nothing I can do about it. All I have to do is focus on myself, save up and hopefully (one day) I can be the one exploring new seas.

Sorry, it's been a while + a Merry Christmas to all

So 100 apologies. 
It's been a while since I've written anything and the posts have been quite meagre pickings. 
I have been busy though. 

I've planned (somewhat) how I'm going to end (what would have been) my last year of uni. I've now added an extra semester to the degree, so I'll be there even longer now. 

It's the Christmas season - and I work in retail. Need I say more. 

My dog of 16 1/2 years passed away. My beloved friend, pet and dog who has been in my life since I was four, passed away a couple of weeks ago. I have hardly written anything since it happened - not even in my journal about her passing. 

My other dog had an operation - we're also waiting for test results to see whether a growth on his eye may or may not be cancerous. 

It's hot - and I mean really hot here - that means I've hardly needed to lift a finger before I pass out of exhaustion. 

I want to wish my readers (though I doubt they follow me anymore lol) a merry Christmas and a merry Christmas to all of you out there as well. 

Because of the recent events that have happened within my family, we're hardly paying attention to the Christmas-y lifestyle and hardly recognise that it's only a couple of days away. Hopefully when it comes down to the day we enjoy the events we have planned. 

x0x 
I'll talk after the Christmas hubbub has died down. 

Games Master Challenge - My First Year

Hello, Friends! 

It's been 16 months since I joined Neopets - the online virtual pet website full of games, fun and awesomeness. 
Around 27 minutes ago the Games Master Challenge - a site event - finished up for another turn. 
For the first time I decided I would join. 
This time it was between Sun and Moon - and the leaders/worlds that took part were of no interest to me (hello Team Tyrannia). 
To compete, you need to pick a team. Seeing as I don't like Summer AKA sun, I decided to go with team Moon. 
The Games Master Challenge involves the participants to compete in certain challengers over seven days. 
The team you pick determines the games you play and there's usually a theme. 
The only games I usually play on Neopets are the card games - I love them ha ha. 
Card games aren't a part of the Challenge. 
To say I struggled a little bit was an understatement - I didn't have a mouse for 6 out of the seven days (which is needed for some games), I started on day three of the Challenge and most games  I hadn't even heard of, let alone played them. 
But I loved the comp! 
There was a board that you could go to, to talk about challenges, team comradery and to help each other out - which is great to see. 
After you win a challenge they reward you with prizes - I really wanted to win the snow background which was achievable if you completed a game challenge - which I didn't achieve, so that was sad.
Did I mention that Team Moon won :) very exciting to be on the winning team, and I'm loving the trophy which has been added on my page lookup - yay :) 
I played about 40 games in total - I succeeded in half the challenges. 
And I received a Games Master 3 Trophy - which is pretty alright, considering my...ahem, skill (or lack thereof). 
Next time I see a Games Master Challenge (I think it's every so often, but not sure exactly when) I'll definitely join again. 
If you play Neopets let me know if you joined this time round. 
Love to hear from you. 

Go team Moon - and well done to all participants.