I should not have said that, I should not have said that!!

I blame my heart - the fuel of my emotions that uses the veins in my body to pump those wild feelings around. 

*

Have you ever said something to someone that you probably shouldn't have? 

And has that person been a tall, dark and handsome man you've had your eye on at Uni, work, the cafe? And by some miracle he actually started talking to you and you (sort of) know each other now? 

You have on and off conversations and when the ball is dropped, and you're no longer talking to the tall, dark and handsome (not so much) stranger; you begin to think how you can pick up this ball and throw it in his direction; he'll catch it, and hooray - you have yourself a date. 

Then you've got it!

Something that will make you look like a hilarious goddess that no man can refuse. Something that says 'hey, I'm a great person' while at the same time looks seductively at you with those 'come hither' smoulder eyes. 

You're thinking

Source: imgur.com 

So, in that moment of egotistical euphoria you say/send the thing that was oh-so-hilarious. 

And then your heart freezes and your blood runs cold and you immediately think....

Source: Kellyelizabeth.org

Something that sounded oh-so-funny and witty at the time is now the dumbest, lamest thing you could have ever said and the tall, dark, handsome (not so) stranger will run for the hills. 

This is when you start freaking out; your heart starts pumping those emotions like crazy and you go wild and you want to scream (but you can't!) so you log off your computer, run away from your desk and start hyperventilating in the corner of your bedroom. 

At least that is what I did - just then. 

I may (or may not - ok well obviously I did) have sent a message to a guy I've been crushing on for weeks. 

As soon as I sent the message - what should have been a hilarious surprise for his Facebook inbox -  I covered my eyes with my hands, started crying, logged onto Blogger and started typing this. 

I'm too scared to log onto Facebook again. 

What if he didn't reply?

What if he did??!! 

I'm a wuss - you know this already. You must. 

* 

I logged onto Facebook - and he seems to think that I'm actually hilarious. He got the gist of the joke and in his reply kept it going - whoo! 

So I replied again....with an even more hilarious come back.....wait; no!!! 

Here it goes again.....oops. 

When everyone moves forward and you're just standing there.

Today I found out some delightful news - my friend has won the internship in Sydney that she has been crossing her fingers all weekend to get. She'll be in Sydney for a month and she's over the moon. 

I have another friend who's going great guns at uni and will soon be travelling, exploring the world. 

One of my only single friends got a boyfriend a couple of weeks ago. 

And another close friend is off to join the RAAF in a couple of months. 

I'm so happy for them all - really. 

But as I sit here and reflect on my life: 

- I haven't travelled anywhere 

*inhale* 

- I have no boyfriend 

*exhale* 

- Uni is much the same. So is work 

*inhale* 

- I have no idea what I'll be doing after Uni 

*hyperventilating* 

Have you ever felt like that? When everyone's life is moving forward and you're...stuck. I thought I had a lot of good things going for me - that my life was getting back on track and soon things will be amazing and so will I. 
But it's not happening at the same time as everyone else. 

I'm freaking out and upset that I will end up being the pathetic friend who nothing happens to. 

#pityparty.