Where the hell have I been?

So it's been a while.

And one thing has dominated my life.

It's not Uni.

Or work.

Or a boyfriend.

It's an illness.

And I don't know what it is.

***

Ok, so I wrote this back in September. And that's as far as I got before I stopped.

It's now late November and I know exactly what it was that was dominating my life. And it continues. 

I found out in October that I have Crohn's Disease and to say I'm struggling with it, would be an understatement. 

I've decided to start a new blog that will go through my journey with Crohn's which I may or may not link. Probably not though. 

I will keep this blog alive however. I figured this would still be a great place to vent and sing away from my new responsibilities. And maybe when I'm not so dominated by what I'm going through I'll be able to write on here more. 

Though don't give up on me. I may continue to write regardless - Christmas is coming up and I wouldn't be turned off from writing about this movie again. 

In the time that I have had this blog I have wracked up 1200 or so page views - which isn't so bad considering I tripe on about nothing. 

Anyway, I couldn't leave the post I started in September unfinished. And I owed the people who might actually read this for some reason an explanation to where I had gone. 

You may also notice I'm called Crohnserella now and not the old DayDreamer - you can thank the new blog for that. 

Crush on the (Barista) Boy

Bah, such a cliché. It's so overdone, it's wrong. 

But unfortunately over these past months, I've formed a bit of a crush on the boys that work in the new coffee place that resides in my shopping centre. 

Now while I love coffee, it's not something I drink on the daily. I only have it when I go out with friends to catch-up. 

Around October of last year, a new place moved into the shopping centre where I pretty much live. It's close to our house and...well you know the story - it's our life and it's our shopping centre - naw! 

It was the perfect place to catch-up with friends. But I admit, I wasn't too excited about moving from our old place. 

That was until I saw the baristas. They. Are. Gorgeous. 

When I walked in I understood why be friend wanted us to go there. 

 
www.hercampus.com

And we've been going there ever since. 

Fast forward to today - that's around eight months - the closest conversation I have had with one of the guys there was my order and a 'thank you'. 

My friend however,  talks to them all the time - she has no problem striking up conversations, asking them questions, making them smile and laugh. 

I stand there and look like a weird gnome - it's embarrassing. 

Despite me not knowing them - at all - I still think that one of them (I don't know which one...yet) would make a great boyfriend for me. 

Just need to start making conversations with them first.

And on Thursday, I tried. 

My friend and I went into the cafe after the rush, when there was hardly anybody in there. After my friend sat down, I stayed talking to a guy about....cronuts. 

You know, the crosseint mixed with a doughnut - or something like that. 

It went well - I managed to have a conversation without looking like a total idiot. 

I just have to do it again now....wish me luck! 

rebloggy.com 

I should not have said that, I should not have said that!!

I blame my heart - the fuel of my emotions that uses the veins in my body to pump those wild feelings around. 

*

Have you ever said something to someone that you probably shouldn't have? 

And has that person been a tall, dark and handsome man you've had your eye on at Uni, work, the cafe? And by some miracle he actually started talking to you and you (sort of) know each other now? 

You have on and off conversations and when the ball is dropped, and you're no longer talking to the tall, dark and handsome (not so much) stranger; you begin to think how you can pick up this ball and throw it in his direction; he'll catch it, and hooray - you have yourself a date. 

Then you've got it!

Something that will make you look like a hilarious goddess that no man can refuse. Something that says 'hey, I'm a great person' while at the same time looks seductively at you with those 'come hither' smoulder eyes. 

You're thinking

Source: imgur.com 

So, in that moment of egotistical euphoria you say/send the thing that was oh-so-hilarious. 

And then your heart freezes and your blood runs cold and you immediately think....

Source: Kellyelizabeth.org

Something that sounded oh-so-funny and witty at the time is now the dumbest, lamest thing you could have ever said and the tall, dark, handsome (not so) stranger will run for the hills. 

This is when you start freaking out; your heart starts pumping those emotions like crazy and you go wild and you want to scream (but you can't!) so you log off your computer, run away from your desk and start hyperventilating in the corner of your bedroom. 

At least that is what I did - just then. 

I may (or may not - ok well obviously I did) have sent a message to a guy I've been crushing on for weeks. 

As soon as I sent the message - what should have been a hilarious surprise for his Facebook inbox -  I covered my eyes with my hands, started crying, logged onto Blogger and started typing this. 

I'm too scared to log onto Facebook again. 

What if he didn't reply?

What if he did??!! 

I'm a wuss - you know this already. You must. 

* 

I logged onto Facebook - and he seems to think that I'm actually hilarious. He got the gist of the joke and in his reply kept it going - whoo! 

So I replied again....with an even more hilarious come back.....wait; no!!! 

Here it goes again.....oops. 

When everyone moves forward and you're just standing there.

Today I found out some delightful news - my friend has won the internship in Sydney that she has been crossing her fingers all weekend to get. She'll be in Sydney for a month and she's over the moon. 

I have another friend who's going great guns at uni and will soon be travelling, exploring the world. 

One of my only single friends got a boyfriend a couple of weeks ago. 

And another close friend is off to join the RAAF in a couple of months. 

I'm so happy for them all - really. 

But as I sit here and reflect on my life: 

- I haven't travelled anywhere 

*inhale* 

- I have no boyfriend 

*exhale* 

- Uni is much the same. So is work 

*inhale* 

- I have no idea what I'll be doing after Uni 

*hyperventilating* 

Have you ever felt like that? When everyone's life is moving forward and you're...stuck. I thought I had a lot of good things going for me - that my life was getting back on track and soon things will be amazing and so will I. 
But it's not happening at the same time as everyone else. 

I'm freaking out and upset that I will end up being the pathetic friend who nothing happens to. 

#pityparty. 

Suspenders and Ties - a friend's 21st

So tonight I'm going to a friends 21st birthday party. 

Her theme is suspenders and ties. 

Here's my rundown about the con's and pro's about this theme: 

Cons: 

No dress or skirt for me. I'll look like a man wearing my work pants out to a social event. 

I do not own suspenders - thus I must go out and buy some. 

I'll need to balance the theme while trying to look sexy at the same time. Hm, could be tricky. 

Did I mention I'll look like a man with that oufit on? 

Pros:

When do I ever get an excuse to wear a tie, let alone suspenders. New outfit. 

- ok that might be the only pro - oh, wait here's another...

I don't have to shave my legs. I will; but they don't have to be perfect. 

While I'm looking forward to the party, there's some things that I'm worried about - cause you know, I worry about everything. 

COUPLES!! Couples, couples everywhere! Let's spot the single chick...oh wait, there she is, in a tie and suspenders ha ha. *If they're abiding by the dress code, all chicks will be wearing these accessories however. 

DORKY DANCING!! Yep, it's been held where my friend likes to dorky dance. Cue the old people, the mediocre band and lame dancing. 

LITTLE ALCOHOL CONSUMPTION!! Despite it being a 21st, and considering the place it's being held, I don't think much drinking is going to go down....urgh. 

NONE OF MY CLOSER GROUP ARE GOING!! While I love my girl who's turning 21, none of my regular group are going, so I'll be hitting it up solo. 

However these can be turned into positives: 

I'M HITTING IT SOLO!! No boyfriend or friends to keep an eye on. I'm happy to just look out for myself, get conversations rolling, catch-up with old friends/acquaintances be confident and happy and just hang out and meet new people. 

LAUGH AT MYSELF DOING DAGGY DANCE MOVES!! While I will no doubt be seriously embaressed by my dance moves the following morning - at the time, I should relax, have fun and just dance my night away. Hopefully everyone else will too. 

Despite some hesitations, I am looking forward to tonight. I know it probably won't be the best night ever, but I shouldn't preconceive that it won't.  

I'll make sure I tell you all about it soon. 

<3 

Living the Single Life....All my Life.

Soon I'll be 21. 

And over the past week I've been reminiscing about the life I have so far lead. 

It's not too shabby I think but one thing has gotten to me. 

I've never been in a relationship. 

Ever. 

It's not so much as 'I've never been in a relationship' that's gotten to me, it's more that no guy (on this earth!) has thought, or said in so many words - "Daydreamer, you're amazing, I think you're wonderful and I want to share that with you."  

Fuck it - "Wanna go on a date?" would do. 

Or even a spontaneous kiss to show me would also suffice. 

I know I'll only be 21, but for me that's old. Watching friends go in and out of relationships at school, developing from school yard crushes to serious relationships, casual flings to girlfriend/boyfriend - I'm feeling left out. Again. 

Today I posted a cover photo on my Facebook page about being single - hello Bridget Jones, which numerous people liked. Even one person commented 'typical'. 

That's when it hit me; I'm known (not only by my friends, but everyone else that knows me - even a little bit) as the single girl. 

People in my life are used to me being single and it is common knowledge I'm always available and no person has seemed interested. I'm always just...single. 

I believe that if I actually managed to be in a relationship there would be people who wouldn't know how to handle it. It's unnatural for me to be with another human being in that way. 

I don't help the situation; I'm constantly complaining, making jokes, letting the world know that I'm single - either as a good thing or bad. 

The closer I get to my birthday the more I'm starting to believe no prince is going to come into my life. 

Surely it would be easier to give up and except the inevitable than to keep caring. Because when I care, I just end up getting hurt. 

When if my prince charming (in whichever form he takes) comes along; you guys will be the first to know. 

<3 

Getting to Old for Clubbing - Wha?

Last night I went out clubbing with a couple of mates. 

I hadn't been since November so I was psyched to let my hair down and be wooed by randy, drunk men. 

I drank too much, danced terribly and pushed my way through crowds of people to get more drinks and do more dancing. 

Then it hit me - 

It's always the same. 

The same places, the same vibe, the same everything. And I was getting bored with it. 

But it wasn't the same. 

- No longer do I appreciate a grope from behind by a guy I don't know/can't see and how doesn't know (or care) who I am. 

- I'm questioning the ages of some of the men in the club, thinking they look way to young to be on a night out; even though I'm only 20 myself. 

- My brain goggles don't seem to be working as well as they used to (or maybe I've become more stuck-up) and the calibre of men nowadays wasn't as good as when I was 18. 

- While I'm a free, happy, innocent soul, who hasn't had a bad one might stand with a random club goer, the same cannot be said for some of my friends; so drinking alcohol and being in a club setting, brings back the shame and regretful feelings and instead of being happy, go-getters - they turn to depressed, shameful cherubs - who don't dance, smile and are known to cry on occasion. The clubbing mood hasn't been the same since. 

- I feel more like a babysitter now, than a young adult having a fun night out. Most of this is due to the point above. 

- Money, money, money; every time I reach for that plastic and paper my heart cries a little.

- Smaller group. When I was younger, we used to grab everyone I know, and we'd all head out - about 5 or more of us. Nowadays it's never more than three, and it's not as fun when there's not as many as you. 

For the last few times I've gone clubbing (or even just out to a pub) I've come away with more negatives than positives. 

Maybe I'm starting to get too old for that scene. Or maybe (shock horror) I've become too mature for that type of crap. 

Next time (if there is one) I'll stick to playing pool in the corner instead - yeah, I think that's a good idea.